When you’re craving a Krabby Patty so bad!!! But the Krusty Krab is closed….and also fictional.
There’s no 5 second rule at my house.
The dog is much quicker than that.
Don’t ask me for directions
I got lost on an elevator once.
It’s like my whole life is just one horrendous karaoke song choice after another.
Your Honor, these 52 selfies on my clients phone at the precise moment of the crime prove that my client can only be guilty of narcissism.
You know what else is crazy?
*googles synonyms for crazy*
I FREAKING SWEAR!! IF I HAVE TO TELL YOU ONE MORE TIME WHAT AN EASY-GOING, PATIENT, AND CHILL PERSON I AM, I’M GONNA LOSE IT!!!!
It’s like 10,000 goons
When all you need
Is a knight
If these seasonal allergies don’t kill me, that person I just sneezed all over probably will.