@DaveWeasel

If you don’t like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person’s problem.

@DaveWeasel

If you don’t like the way you look naked, remember; by the time you have your clothes off, its the other person’s problem.

@DaveWeasel

If your new boyfriend carved your initials into a tree on your first date, let the fact he brought a knife be a sign of things to come.

@DaveWeasel

If you’re looking for a good place to buy a Blackberry, I’d suggest 2006.

@DaveWeasel

The words ‘selfie’ and ‘twerk’ have been added to the dictionary this year while ‘charm’ and ‘dignity’ have been removed.

@DaveWeasel

My dance moves are so white Charlie Sheen tried to snort them.

@DaveWeasel

“Don’t Kid Yourself” would be the greatest brand name for birth control pills.