@Daveastated

Caller: Emergency Sevices? I’m on fire.

Me: That’s great, keep up the good work.

@Daveastated

*first day using my sith power*

“Hey stormtrooper, stop hitting yourself!”

@Daveastated

I could never trust Jon Bon Jovi after he sang “ohhhh we’re halfway there” on track 3 of a 10 track album.

@Daveastated

Ethan Hunt: let’s all sync our watches.

Me: *throws watch into river*

@Daveastated

The police want me to wear a wire; albeit a thick handcuff-shaped wire.

@Daveastated

Me: Stop over-analysing; not everything has to mean something!

Them: Are you gonna help us compile this dictionary or not?

@Daveastated

Them: they’re changing Spiderman’s footwear for the next film.

Me: Oh great, another reboot!

@Daveastated

Me: Not to brag but I know all of them by name.

Them: Well, they are your children; both of them.