Caller: Emergency Sevices? I’m on fire.
Me: That’s great, keep up the good work.
*first day using my sith power*
“Hey stormtrooper, stop hitting yourself!”
I could never trust Jon Bon Jovi after he sang “ohhhh we’re halfway there” on track 3 of a 10 track album.
Ethan Hunt: let’s all sync our watches.
Me: *throws watch into river*
My relationship with tea has always been strained.
The police want me to wear a wire; albeit a thick handcuff-shaped wire.
Me: Stop over-analysing; not everything has to mean something!
Them: Are you gonna help us compile this dictionary or not?
Them: they’re changing Spiderman’s footwear for the next film.
Me: Oh great, another reboot!
I have a five year plan to become more spontaneous.
Me: Not to brag but I know all of them by name.
Them: Well, they are your children; both of them.