@DeadLioness

[Rain]

Earthworms: yes yes yes the prophecy is happening again, we will surface to the top and march on the sidewalk for no reason yes

@DeadLioness

CDC wants to be clear that only weddings should be canceled due to Covid-19, but if you’re already married then that’s still going on.

@DeadLioness

More photos of empty shelves in stores please, I love seeing the shelving infrastructure of each store.

@DeadLioness

A rat followed me home in a dark street in DC, so I pretended I was on the phone with an exterminator

@DeadLioness

Friend: “so how did you two meet?”
No Woman Ever: “he cat-called me in the street and we have been together ever since”

@DeadLioness

Weird how we never hear stories about ghosts with mullets, hair spray or huge Afros that haunt people. It’s always those 19th century pricks

@DeadLioness

Running with my dog, holding his poop in a small, lavender scented, biodegradable bag like the top-of-the-food-chain creature that I am.

@DeadLioness

Do people who say that they’re just thinking out loud realize that there’s a verb for that already and it’s called ‘speaking’?

@DeadLioness

Could be worse. Someone could be trying to tell you that everything happens for a reason.

@DeadLioness

Getting murdered would be scary, but not as scary as if the forensic guy with the white chalk would trace my body fatter than I really was