Earthworms: yes yes yes the prophecy is happening again, we will surface to the top and march on the sidewalk for no reason yes
CDC wants to be clear that only weddings should be canceled due to Covid-19, but if you’re already married then that’s still going on.
More photos of empty shelves in stores please, I love seeing the shelving infrastructure of each store.
A rat followed me home in a dark street in DC, so I pretended I was on the phone with an exterminator
Friend: “so how did you two meet?”
No Woman Ever: “he cat-called me in the street and we have been together ever since”
Weird how we never hear stories about ghosts with mullets, hair spray or huge Afros that haunt people. It’s always those 19th century pricks
Running with my dog, holding his poop in a small, lavender scented, biodegradable bag like the top-of-the-food-chain creature that I am.
Do people who say that they’re just thinking out loud realize that there’s a verb for that already and it’s called ‘speaking’?
Could be worse. Someone could be trying to tell you that everything happens for a reason.
Getting murdered would be scary, but not as scary as if the forensic guy with the white chalk would trace my body fatter than I really was