Trick people into thinking you’re a doctor by turning off taps with your elbows
I learned mathematical fractions from a drug dealer. He said if I don’t pay $4,000 in 7 days, I’ll lose 3 fingers.
My electric car is getting a service, so I have to drive an acoustic one.
Wish someone would invent a device that would allow me to speak instead of having to text back and forth 30 times to get my point across.
Drying out wet fireworks in the oven is not a good idea. Trust me on this
I went on the treadmill for 30 minutes today. Tomorrow I will turn it on.
All the good Liam Neeson jokes are Taken.