Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of DirtMcTurd's best tweets

@DirtMcTurd : *vows*

Groom: I love you so much, & publicly, in front of all our friends, I want everyone to know, Die Hard is in fact, a Christmas Movie!

@DirtMcTurd: [first cat being domesticated]

What's that thing your petting?

"It's called a cat"

Do they bite?

"Oh ya LOL all the time!"

@DirtMcTurd: *kid finds Easter Basket

Noodles, sauce, cheese, meat, what's going on dad?

"What else you get?!"

A lasagna recipe..

"Great make dinner"

@DirtMcTurd: I'm voting for Bernie Sanders based all on the fact that His fried chicken rules

@DirtMcTurd: This girl wants to sing with me but I don't wanna duet

@DirtMcTurd: [texting drug dealer]

"You around? I was gonna stop by."

Yeah what are u looking for?

"I stopped doing drugs, I just miss you"

@DirtMcTurd: I was getting chased by a man yelling "STOP, POLICE!" & I yelled "YES YES STOP POLICE! THEY'RE OUT OF CONTROL!" But he kept chasing me

@DirtMcTurd: [watching Game of Thrones] last week was great, I paid attention to everything!

TV: last week on GoT..

Me: when the hell did that happen?!

@DirtMcTurd: [Watching "House Hunters"]

Jen is a housewife works on her art all day, her husband Tim manages a Taco Bell.

Tim: Our budget is $4 million

@DirtMcTurd: My wife said I couldn't finger paint and also she says that "Paint" is a stupid name for our cat