I sleep with a knife under my bed in case I can’t open my midnight snacks.
It also comes in handy if people try to steal them.
I love slip on shoes because you can slip them off just as easy to hit stupid people with them.
Teaching your dog to fetch a beer is smart. Fetching it from the neighbours house is genius.
Hubs: There’s nothing on TV *winks*
Me: Remember last time?
*both look at 2yo*
Hubs: There’s over 900 channels, we’ll find something
Am I getting older or is the supermarket starting to play some great songs?
2 Jehovah’s witnesses knocked earlier, so I invited them in. I gave 1 the hoover & 1 a mop.
If they can do Gods work, they can do mine.
I just yawned so loud, I think I called a boat in.
I’m going to start rubbing myself up against people when they’ve got nice food. If it works for my cat, it’ll work for me.
I’ve decided to retire on Monday & live off my savings.
Don’t know what I will do on Tuesday though?
After mating, a female Praying Mantis kills & eat’s the male. Guess she knows it’s easier to claim life insurance rather than child support.