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@DiscoFruit : [3rd grade]
bae: come over
bae: my parents aren't home.
me: but we're only 7, that's awful parenting.
me: AWFUL. PARENTING.
@DiscoFruit: wanna feel old? this is eminem now:
@DiscoFruit: [first date]
her: so are you a dog or cat person?
me: *long dramatic pause* well... i'm almost positive that i'm just a normal person..?
@DiscoFruit: me: *lights cig* do u smoke?
girl: no, cigarettes killed my father
me: oh, cancer..?
her: no, an army of them, gunned him down
me: wait what
@DiscoFruit: they say running is addictive, that's why i don't do it, i'm afraid i'll end up in a fitness gym alley offering sex for treadmill time.
@DiscoFruit: [dies and goes to hell]
me: "mom? dad!? what are you doing here!"
dad: "we used to switch your food with the dog's food sometimes."
@DiscoFruit: i'm gonna build my house on your house and if you even come close to my house that's attached to your house, we'll attack you..
@DiscoFruit: but was it fire...?