Funny Tweeter

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Page of DomesticGoddss's best tweets

@DomesticGoddss : When I asked for some alone time, I didn't mean when I was bringing in the groceries.

@DomesticGoddss: Me: I'll be ready in 2 minutes!
7: YOU SAID THAT A THOUSAND TRILLION MILLION YEARS AGO!
Looks like neither of us really have a grip on time.

@DomesticGoddss: Me:*pulls out salad for lunch
Coworker: *pulls out 6 boxes of girl scout cookies & nods at me
Me: *tosses salad in fridge
CW: Let's do this.

@DomesticGoddss: I saw my shadow this morning and it looks like I have six more weeks of dieting.

@DomesticGoddss: This morning I packed nothing but a kale salad for lunch and now 1pm me wants to punch 7am me in the face.

@DomesticGoddss: Mom Math:

If Child A has 2 scoops of ice cream in his bowl, and child B has 1 3/4 scoops, how many days will Mom have to hear about it?

@DomesticGoddss: If it takes a village to raise a child, why are my neighbors sipping coffee peacefully on their front porch while I do all the work?

@DomesticGoddss: Accidentally drove to work w/the kids still in the car & they waited until I parked to cheer that they weren't going to school.
Mon-1
Mom-0

@DomesticGoddss: I have been successfully sitting in chairs for over 40 years without falling off--a skill I apparently didn't pass on to my boys.

@DomesticGoddss: Who knew 20yrs after Debate class I'd apply those skills to present arguments to 7yo on why pasta shapes don't change the taste of pasta.