“Get better” is a nice thing to write on a card. “Get better soon” feels a little threatening though. What’s the rush
17-year-old Me: Hey I wanna buy this beer
Clerk: No way, this is a fake ID. I’m calling the cops
Me: Oh good idea they’re probably 21
The bouncer used to check the lining of my hat for weapons when I walked into a bar and now they have entire axe throwing ranges that serve alcohol
Would you rather get paid $1,000,000 right now or pay somebody $10 a day to wake you up by punching you in the face?
I’ll take Option B. It keeps you motivated to go out and EARN. That’s the hustler mentality
“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” shut up. That’s not true at all. Have you ever seen a really big wasp.
British people be like “gotta bring the car to the mechanic for a chune-up”
Been getting into gardening lately and I think it’s going well!
Pringle’s: Once you pop, the fun don’t stop!
Me: *covered in Pringle’s shards and grease, surrounded by empty tubes* It’s true I’m having the time of my life
Zodiac Killer origin story where he’s bullied by an astrologist
John Denver: Almost heaven-
Me: Wow the place he’s singing about must be amazing
John Denver: -West Virginia