@Dschnoeb

Someone who blocked me on Twitter just added me on Instagram. If you can’t love me at my bad jokes, you don’t deserve me at my cat photos.

@Dschnoeb

Just saw The Imitation Game & it was FILLED with historical inaccuracies about World War II. They don’t even mention Captain America at all.

@Dschnoeb

I bet Egyptians were all like “Yo, nobody in history will ever worship and revere cats like we do” and then came the internet.

@Dschnoeb

A woman on the subway this morning said “did you know the government is closed? Is it a holiday or something?” So really, we deserve this.

@Dschnoeb

I think the only girl I know that hasn’t said “you’re like a brother to me” is my sister.