@Duke1173

As I get older and continue to meet new people… I realize that swallowing should be more of a thing.

@Duke1173

You’re telling me that you paid eight dollars for a cup of coffee…

They don’t put any booze in it or nothin?

@Duke1173

They ordered two extra large pizzas at work.

I wonder what everyone else is going to eat.

@Duke1173

*moonwalks into office* *draws dual finger guns* *fires off seven shots at Annie from HR* *holsters guns* *gets chosen for random drug test*

@Duke1173

I’d like to thank the British for wearing red coats and making it easier to shoot them 238 years ago. We couldn’t have done this without you

@Duke1173

I’m sitting here watching this married couple argue in this restaurant. Then their 8 year old says “oh great, dinner and a show.” Priceless.