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Page of DurtMcHurtt's best tweets

@DurtMcHurtt : Moola better be the only form of currency at a cattle auction.

@DurtMcHurtt: If you thought your life sucked after I honked at you, wait till I throw up my arms in displeasure.

@DurtMcHurtt: [pet store]

Me: your parrot called me a cracker.

Manager: maybe he was asking..

[from the back] TALK YOUR SHIT WHITE BOY *parrot whistle*

@DurtMcHurtt: Boxing isn't the only profession you can pretend to do while you're jogging, today I flipped burgers.

@DurtMcHurtt: *flips bird*

*buys another bird with the profits*

@DurtMcHurtt: Mom's car ran out of coolant and now it's driving like a humongous nerd.

@DurtMcHurtt: [police station]

Cop: *slams fist* YOU'RE THE COPYCAT KILLER!

Suspect: *slams fist* YOU'RE THE COPYCAT KILLER!

Cop: *mumbling* am not.

@DurtMcHurtt: I never understood why they were called chicken tenders until I let one caress my face.

@DurtMcHurtt: *rocking back and forth, trying to gather enough momentum to get out of a chair* WHO ARE YOU CALLING FAT?

@DurtMcHurtt: *covers puddle with a jacket so a lady won't get her shoes wet*

LADY: MY JACKET!!!