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@DurtMcHurtt : Moola better be the only form of currency at a cattle auction.
@DurtMcHurtt: If you thought your life sucked after I honked at you, wait till I throw up my arms in displeasure.
@DurtMcHurtt: [pet store]
Me: your parrot called me a cracker.
Manager: maybe he was asking..
[from the back] TALK YOUR SHIT WHITE BOY *parrot whistle*
@DurtMcHurtt: Boxing isn't the only profession you can pretend to do while you're jogging, today I flipped burgers.
@DurtMcHurtt: *flips bird*
*buys another bird with the profits*
@DurtMcHurtt: Mom's car ran out of coolant and now it's driving like a humongous nerd.
@DurtMcHurtt: [police station]
Cop: *slams fist* YOU'RE THE COPYCAT KILLER!
Suspect: *slams fist* YOU'RE THE COPYCAT KILLER!
Cop: *mumbling* am not.
@DurtMcHurtt: I never understood why they were called chicken tenders until I let one caress my face.
@DurtMcHurtt: *rocking back and forth, trying to gather enough momentum to get out of a chair* WHO ARE YOU CALLING FAT?
@DurtMcHurtt: *covers puddle with a jacket so a lady won't get her shoes wet*
LADY: MY JACKET!!!