My girl put concealer on and now I can’t find her.
My obsession with visiting different hardware stores has me hitting new Lowe’s.
I’m starting to think YouTube hasn’t done a very good job of raising my children.
A thousand Milwaukees is a Bilwaukee.
ME: welcome to my man cave.
PROCTOLOGIST: please stop calling it that.
If you know a girl who uses metric I’d love to meter.
You’re telling me a beagle isn’t half bear half eagle?
Went the extra mile today, drove right past my office.
Shoutout to torpedoes for getting through hardships.
A smile in Canada is called a smilometre.