fantasy novel: she was beautiful, like a-
me: oh man here we go
fantasy novel: tray of fish sticks
me: excuse me
customer: can we get a plate a fries for the table
me (first day as a waiter): ahh i don’t think we’re allowed to feed the tables
boss: can i talk to you for a sec
me: what’s up
boss: you’re doing a great job. i want those tables to suffer
An assault rifle that only shoots blanks should be called a JK-47!
I am fun at parties please invite me to them.
If I had a million dollars for every time I looked at the negative side of things, I’d have way too many god damn taxes to pay.
When I was in 6th grade, I asked a girl out with a note and she wrote back “Maybe :)” so idk man I might have plans tonight.