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@Eagle_Vision : I didn't know Sony was hiring.
@Eagle_Vision: Please enjoy my "Here's Your Sign" tweet collection, designed to ward off Twitter trolls.
@Eagle_Vision: The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is "compost."
@Eagle_Vision: Yes, Pitbull, we are having a good time. Please stop asking every two minutes.
@Eagle_Vision: My wife is gorgeous, selfless, amazing, highly intelligent and looking over my shoulder as I type.
@Eagle_Vision: When I was 16 years old, the morning of my birthday, my parents tried to surprise me with a car, but they missed.
@Eagle_Vision: The problem with political jokes is that they get elected.
@Eagle_Vision: I dreamed I was floating in an ocean of soda, but when I awoke I realized it was just a Fanta Sea.
@Eagle_Vision: If you're happy and you know it, share your meds
@Eagle_Vision: You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat, she is probably upset at you.