Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@EamonToPlease : My TWILIGHT ZONE plot idea: The sole survivor of the apocalypse finally has time to listen to podcasts but still doesn't feel like it.
@EamonToPlease: [baby is bouncing in swing seat]
I wish I had one of those.
They bring great joy.
I (to self)
Oh, he thinks I mean a baby.
@EamonToPlease: Walnuts make my every cookie a game of Minesweeper.
@EamonToPlease: My phone just sent me an unsolicited hockey score. Aren't there Japanese horror films that start this way?