“this corrupt city needs a hard rain. a hard penetrating rain for a dirty city. a thrusting rain. god so deep” – from my novel Sex Rain
you can tell the new mad max movie takes place in a lawless post apocalyptic hellscape because not one person used their blinker
another car tip: once a month, open the hood and rip out one thing. most of the engine is decorative and weighs down your car
“looks like a burrito fell out his pocket, hes crawling up to get it and crying. thats gonna cost points” – commentators on my snowboard run
Imagine a bunch of Italian mobsters tiptoeing and trying not to giggle as they gingerly place a horse head in bed with a sleeping guy.
TOP PLACES TO DO KARATE IN FRONT OF:
2. Crashing waves
3. Dad’s grave (as casket is lowered)
4. New stepdad’s face
“Our relationship is nice because we can sit silently and still have fun.” – cool thing to say to the person in bathroom stall next to you.
I hide photos on my computer of me petting animals at the zoo in a file named FIREWORKS AND VACUUMS so my dog won’t find them.
WE’RE HERE. WE’RE QUEER. YOU’RE THE MAILMAN. I’M ED QUEER. THIS IS MY FAMILY. WE JUST MOVED IN. I’LL SIGN FOR THE PACKAGE. SORRY IM YELLING.
I brought a gun that shoots knives to a gun fight. Everybody was like whoa. We didn’t even fight. Went to get nachos. Cool group of dudes.