If I was a criminal my calling card at the scene would be an empty strip of antidepressants and the cops would be like ‘wow she motivated herself long enough to rob this bank, good for her.’
Axl Rose: You know where you are? You’re in the jungle, baby
Tarzan: yeah but why are you here.
Netflix: are you still watching?
Me: *is asleep
Netflix: why are you like this
*pronounces bondage like corsage.
The moral of Pinocchio is that lying is only bad if it’s really obvious.
If bras are called over the shoulder boulder holders then panties should be named under the hip lip grippers.
It would be so much less cinematic if they remade The Crow but it was a movie called The Seagull and it’s just a guy who runs about screaming for no reason and steals people’s food.
Make enough to feed everyone in The Sopranos and proceed like Tony is going to kill you if you don’t cook enough pasta.
This year is like when you accidentally touch wet cat food.
‘Mr lover lover mmmhm Mr lover lover, she call me Mr Boombastic, say me fantastic, touch me on the back, she say I’m Mr Ro.. mantic..’
Judge: *sigh* Again, please just state your first and last name for the court or you’re going to jail.