@EllaZee5

Axl Rose: You know where you are? You’re in the jungle, baby

Tarzan: yeah but why are you here.

@EllaZee5

Netflix: are you still watching?

Me: *is asleep

Netflix: why are you like this

@EllaZee5

The moral of Pinocchio is that lying is only bad if it’s really obvious.

@EllaZee5

If bras are called over the shoulder boulder holders then panties should be named under the hip lip grippers.

@EllaZee5

It would be so much less cinematic if they remade The Crow but it was a movie called The Seagull and it’s just a guy who runs about screaming for no reason and steals people’s food.

@EllaZee5

[Cooking pasta]

Make enough to feed everyone in The Sopranos and proceed like Tony is going to kill you if you don’t cook enough pasta.

@EllaZee5

This year is like when you accidentally touch wet cat food.

@EllaZee5

‘Mr lover lover mmmhm Mr lover lover, she call me Mr Boombastic, say me fantastic, touch me on the back, she say I’m Mr Ro.. mantic..’

Judge: *sigh* Again, please just state your first and last name for the court or you’re going to jail.

@EllaZee5

*pronounces ‘cake’ like ‘khaki’ in all your tweets