@English_Channel

[on a date with a houseplant]

Me: everything ok? you hardly touched your dinner.

Houseplant: Yes, I’m just eating light

@English_Channel

Why are they called ‘school gym clothes’ and not ‘class action suits’?

@English_Channel

I don’t o u anything!

– Americans complaining about British/Canadian word spellings

@English_Channel

Wicked Witch of the West: I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!

me: *acting coy & twirling my hair* you think I’m pretty?

@English_Channel

Don’t let Hollywood fool you. I was in an orphanage for 13 yrs and we only broke into a song & choreographed dance twice

@English_Channel

Tell me again why was it necessary to dress as Snow White & bring a basket of eggs to the delivery?