If a centaur wins a wrestling match, does he wear his belt
Like this Or this
[on a date with a houseplant]
Me: everything ok? you hardly touched your dinner.
Houseplant: Yes, I’m just eating light
Why are they called ‘school gym clothes’ and not ‘class action suits’?
Does this dress make me look cat?
I don’t o u anything!
– Americans complaining about British/Canadian word spellings
Wicked Witch of the West: I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!
me: *acting coy & twirling my hair* you think I’m pretty?
Don’t let Hollywood fool you. I was in an orphanage for 13 yrs and we only broke into a song & choreographed dance twice
Tell me again why was it necessary to dress as Snow White & bring a basket of eggs to the delivery?
me: *takes a bow* thank you
Violinist: hey, I need that