What if I made a cactus delicious?
– pineapple inventor
Once, I went to hug my mom, she said, “Be careful, I don’t want you to squish my purse ketchups.” I still think about that
just pick it off the pizza, you won’t taste it
~ one of the many lies black olive lovers tell us
We’ve all heard the peanut butter debate, but what about mayo? Smooth or Crunchy?
The Riddler: riddle me this: what can you eat all night long, but never get full?
[after Humpty Dumpty’s great fall]
King’s Men: all the King’s men are here
Humpty Dumpty: and a doctor, right?
King’s Men: also, all the King’s horses
Humpty Dumpty: AND A DOCTOR?? RIGHT???
If I don’t stumble across a dead body soon, I’m going to quit jogging all together
why pay a therapist to pinpoint your flaws when people on Twitter will tell you for free
twitter: Canadians are so nice
Canadians: *rubbing hands together* they’ve fallen into our trap