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Page of EricGoldie's best tweets

@EricGoldie : Good news: I learned how to build a fire.

Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.

@EricGoldie: I'm 84% less productive in a swivel chair.

@EricGoldie: I bet a heroin addict could find a needle in a haystack.

@EricGoldie: Does Adam Sandler know that he's allowed to turn down movie roles?

@EricGoldie: Ate a vegetable about 5 hours ago...Still no abs.

@EricGoldie: You're right, homeless man on the is a "clip your toenails into your McDonald's cup" kind of morning.

@EricGoldie: If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, and love is a rhythm, then you are on LSD.

@EricGoldie: Apparently "some assembly required" is IKEA for "here's a beech tree and some nails."

@EricGoldie: I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something.