@EricGoldie

Good news: I learned how to build a fire.

Bad news: I need a new toaster oven.

@EricGoldie

I bet a heroin addict could find a needle in a haystack.

@EricGoldie

Does Adam Sandler know that he’s allowed to turn down movie roles?

@EricGoldie

You’re right, homeless man on the subway…it is a “clip your toenails into your McDonald’s cup” kind of morning.

@EricGoldie

If God is a DJ, life is a dance floor, and love is a rhythm, then you are on LSD.

@EricGoldie

Apparently “some assembly required” is IKEA for “here’s a beech tree and some nails.”

@EricGoldie

I politely asked a woman on my flight if she could put her kid in the overhead compartment & she looked at me like I was crazy or something.