@FBSisnothere

When I hear the phrase “Freudian slip” I immediately imagine Sigmund in a revealing, yet tasteful nightgown. That can’t be healthy.

@FBSisnothere

For the first time in forever, I used the term “oopsie-daisy”. Couldnt be avoided. I mean what else do you say when you drop someone’s baby?

@FBSisnothere

Why does everyone mention that in space no-one can hear you scream instead of mentioning something positive like how no-one can hear u yodel

@FBSisnothere

You know you have something special w someone when u start finishing their sentences. But enough about me & my local Subway sandwich artist

@FBSisnothere

“Ladies, calm down. Girlfriend, wife, whatever. The important thing is that between the 2 of you, you brought enough to post my bail”