@FeralFerrell

I’m confused. What part of “I had to be physically restrained from drunkenly chasing a raccoon into the bushes to befriend it” makes you feel I’m someone to solicit advice from?

@FeralFerrell

My LonelyFans: I’m so desperate for friends it’s free to join but you have to pay an exorbitant fee to unsubscribe.

@FeralFerrell

I miss when life was simple, and the worst thing that happened was your crush finding the notebook where you wrote your first name with their last name a couple dozen times, just to see what it might look like…

@FeralFerrell

I’d give you a piece of my mind, but I’ll need the whole thing for later. Perhaps I could have a piece of yours as you aren’t using it.

@FeralFerrell

OMG you’re listening to the new Taylor Swift album!? Did she say anything about me?

@FeralFerrell

Of course I have my priorities in order. I didn’t say WHAT order.

@FeralFerrell

Me: Screams into the void

Void: screams back

Me: Screams into void again

Void:

Me:

Void: welp this is awkward, but I was actually screaming to the person behind you