@FloodyHippie

My cat was bitten by a squirrel and I have to suck the rabies out before she slips into a double cheese burger.

–how I cancel dates

@FloodyHippie

Hey, baby, you wanna come back to my place, and become a famous murder victim?

@FloodyHippie

I support Greenpeace because I care about environmental activism, just not enough to do any of the real work myself.

@FloodyHippie

Emma Stone is my girlfriend. Nobody tell her, though. I want it to be a surprise.

@FloodyHippie

As a Californian, the most frightening thing about the movie Psycho, is the thought of leaving the shower water running for that long.

@FloodyHippie

A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn’t scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face.

@FloodyHippie

I only wear dresses on sad occasions, like funerals and weddings.

@FloodyHippie

You look like the type of person who would try to write a check for a drug deal.