@FormerGrunt

When I die, just toss my body out of an airplane flying over NYC while wearing a superman costume.

@FormerGrunt

An apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough.

@FormerGrunt

My ex was an absolute treasure.

By treasure, I mean you will need a map and a shovel to find her.

@FormerGrunt

Stupidity is dangerous, and thanks to social media we have managed to weaponize it.