@FredTaming: me: congrats, when is the baby due
pregnant librarian: oh it's mine i get to keep it
@FredTaming: [ spelling bee ]
judge: your word is feeling
me: can you use it in a sentence
judge: how are you feeling
@FredTaming: me: [leaning over, whispering] there’s a giant hole in this plot
him: that’s where the casket goes
@FredTaming: me: how do i get a girl to like me
dad: be mysterious
[ next day ]
me: i'm in the witness protection program
@FredTaming: interviewer: your resume says you lose focus easily
interviewer: yes what
me: yes please
@FredTaming: scotsman: are yeh thinkin what i’m thinkin?
other scotsman: jab a few pipes in a sheep stomach and play the same note for three hours?
scotsman: aye, laddie, jab a few pipes in a sheep stomach and play the same note for three hours
@FredTaming: paul mccartney: all the lonely people, where do they all come from? all the lonely people, where do they all belong?
[from back of the room]: twitter