@Fred_Delicious

The strongest cat exists. Somewhere a cat is walking around, completely oblivious that it is stronger than all the other cats.

@Fred_Delicious

“Does this spark joy?”
[my wife shakes her head as Marie Kondo forcibly removes me from our house]

@Fred_Delicious

Q. Why did the ghost’s dessert come back when he threw it?

A. It was a boo meringue

Not reading the replies to this

@Fred_Delicious

Furious that Game of Thrones didn’t exclusively cater to me, the only person who watches it

@Fred_Delicious

If Pokémon has taught me anything it’s that most of life’s problems can be solved by owning a rat that can electrocute people

@Fred_Delicious

“No. Nope. Absolutely not. Nope. Incorrect. Wrong” – Neil deGrasse Tyson watching A Star is Born