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@Fred_Delicious: “Does this spark joy?”
[my wife shakes her head as Marie Kondo forcibly removes me from our house]
@Fred_Delicious: Very suspicious that this keeps happening
@Fred_Delicious: Q. Why did the ghost's dessert come back when he threw it?
A. It was a boo meringue
Not reading the replies to this
@Fred_Delicious: Furious that Game of Thrones didn’t exclusively cater to me, the only person who watches it
@Fred_Delicious: If Pokémon has taught me anything it's that most of life's problems can be solved by owning a rat that can electrocute people
@Fred_Delicious: "No. Nope. Absolutely not. Nope. Incorrect. Wrong" - Neil deGrasse Tyson watching A Star is Born
@Fred_Delicious: “It’s MY WIIIIFE, it’s now or never” - Borat Jovi
I’m not even remotely sorry
@Fred_Delicious: A hexagon is what Mario says when he frees himself from a curse
@Fred_Delicious: Date - "so they had no other chairs?"
Me [sitting on an alpaca] "no"