Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. In case you are wondering "But Why!". We post nice "night mode" funny tweets that are easy on your eyes when you are lying down on your side and night and scrolling through your phone while trying to get numbed up and forget the day. Click here to follow us

Page of FrenulumBreve's best tweets

@FrenulumBreve : [15 minutes into choosing which crab from the tank to have for dinner]
Date: are you crying?

@FrenulumBreve: [at the zoo]
Llama spits in my face
I spit in llamas face
Llama slaps me
I grab llamas hair
Scuffle ensues
Llamas gf shouts "leave it Gary!"

@FrenulumBreve: Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you.
Her: awww.
Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole*
"we're out of cereal."

@FrenulumBreve: [homocide scene]
DETECTIVE:"my god, in my 25 years on the force i've never seen a dead ghost."
COP:"sir?, we covered the body with a sheet."

@FrenulumBreve: *Britney Spears releases a new fragrance*

*the other dinner guests look embarrassed and pretend not to notice.*

@FrenulumBreve: HIM: [awkwardly] wanna go see a movie?
HER: sure, sounds great.
[next day]
HIM: could i maybe come with you next time?

@FrenulumBreve: Crocodile: "See ya later alligator."
Alligator: "yeah, I don't do that anymore Jeff."

@FrenulumBreve: ME: [licking lips in anticipation] I'm nervous. I've never done a bungee jump before.
INSTRUCTOR: don't lick my lips again.

@FrenulumBreve: APPLE GENIUS: [looks around nervously] if I had a criticism of this phone it would be that-
NEW APPLE GENIUS: that it's perfect.

@FrenulumBreve: BOSS: I'm sorry I just don't trust your judgment.
ME: [trying to pick up glass of water with both fists wedged in Pringles tubes] explain..