@freudianscript

You know you’re suffering from stress when you have too much on your plate and it isn’t food.

@freudianscript

My therapist told me I can ask him anything I want. So I asked him, ‘How does my lack of progress make you feel?’

@freudianscript

Welcome to twitter- Please stand by, someone will disagree with you shortly.

@freudianscript

I’m not here to fix your problems, i’m here to set an example of what happens when your problems don’t get fixed.

@Freudianscript

I just saved a bunch of money on fireworks by telling my wife to calm down.

@Freudianscript

When speaking to your wife, always end with, “but i could be wrong,” this way when she says you’re wrong, you’ll be right for a change.

@Freudianscript

I’m not real good at talking my way out of trouble, since it’s the talking that got me in to trouble in the first place.