You know you’re suffering from stress when you have too much on your plate and it isn’t food.
My therapist told me I can ask him anything I want. So I asked him, ‘How does my lack of progress make you feel?’
Welcome to twitter- Please stand by, someone will disagree with you shortly.
I’m not here to fix your problems, i’m here to set an example of what happens when your problems don’t get fixed.
*I’m a gift to mankind.*
Mankind- I’d like to exchange this please.
In a parallel universe, your password forgets you.
I just saved a bunch of money on fireworks by telling my wife to calm down.
When speaking to your wife, always end with, “but i could be wrong,” this way when she says you’re wrong, you’ll be right for a change.
I’m not real good at talking my way out of trouble, since it’s the talking that got me in to trouble in the first place.
I need to start paying more attention when i’m talking to myself.