@FullGrownChris

“Where are you all going?”
A lifeboat. The Titanic is sinking.
“You guys are booked til 2. Trust me, this’ll be great exposure for your band

@FullGrownChris

Cashier: “Look at all this candy! You’re going to have a lot of happy kids this Halloween”
Me: “It’s Halloween?”

@FullGrownChris

“How am I driving?”
No seriously, how did I get here. This isn’t my car.