@FunnyBison

Normal adult questions:
– who, what, when, where, why, how

Normal 3 year old questions:
– why
– why
– why
– why
– why
– why
– why
– why

@FunnyBison

Disney uses 1-ply toilet paper, so let’s stop with all the “happiest place on earth” lies

@FunnyBison

My teenager explained the etiquette of being on Instagram. I tuned out after the sixth hour.

@FunnyBison

ME: funny how there’s no 13th floor to avoid bad luck
WIFE: yeah, but also, this is a three-storey building

@FunnyBison

they should have called it “Checkmate” instead of “Tinder”

@FunnyBison

ME: why is there a question mark on this periodic table?
PHYSICIST: that’s the element of surprise

@FunnyBison

My kids devour food so quickly that my fridge has been broken for two months and nobody realized.

@FunnyBison

Hands up if you’ve given yourself a bloody nose by swooping down a little too eagerly on the buffet and smashing into the sneeze guard.

So, just me? Okay.

@FunnyBison

WIFE: How do you feel about Hawaiian pizza?
ME, sipping my pineapple spice latte: I think you know