Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@GaryJanetti : Yes, the Nazis were wrong but the Von Trapps were also singing very loudly, all the time, and had refused to stop.
@GaryJanetti: A new study shows body-image issues start as young as 3. How awful. That means 2-year-olds with gross bodies think they look okay.
@GaryJanetti: Rio just listed a slightly used Olympic stadium on eBay.
@GaryJanetti: Next season on Game of Thrones they're actually going to come to your house and start killing the people watching.
@GaryJanetti: Rio declares state of emergency just before Olympics. That's like inviting people to your house for dinner but you have no food. Or house.
@GaryJanetti: Before you tell me anything about your kid you should know I'm going to mentally leave my body.
@GaryJanetti: "I'm not good at goodbyes." I am. See ya.
@GaryJanetti: Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car.
@GaryJanetti: "I'm a model." I see. And does anybody else know that?
@GaryJanetti: Don't send an email if you're angry. Wait a while. Have a couple of drinks. Get yourself really worked up. And then send it.