By the time I catch up with a joke format, I’m like a baker trying to sell yesterday’s doughnuts.
I only eat vegetarians.
I’m a disaster playing scrabble with the kids. I know all these disgusting words.
It’s your fault.
I love how twitter uses little bluebirds to give the impression we are all sweet talkers. A couple of pterodactyls would be more realistic..
Online dating has its good points. You can choose your own name, lie through your teeth and you can’t smell their breath.
I began writing full time 20 years ago. I’ve sold lots – my tv, my car, my jewellery…
Avoid cars that have a sign saying ‘baby on board’. That driver has only had a couple of hours sleep and is likely to be suicidal.
Trying to explain to H that when the doctor said he can have one red wine a day, he didn’t mean bottle.
I’m not sure about accusing someone of wanting to get into my pants. I’d like to see him try. I can hardly get into them myself..
We took the animals for a walk and saw a sign: ‘Dogging area, please control your animal and pick up their faces…’