@GeorgiaSweet20

*Boyfriend gets in bed*

Him: Wanna fool around?

Me: *Doesn’t hear him because I’m tipping the cheetos bag directly into my mouth*

@GeorgiaSweet20

[Sister puts my newborn nephew in my arms]
Me *holds for 30 seconds*: Well, I better get going.

@GeorgiaSweet20

Me: Look pal, I’m not some princess that needs to be rescued, ok?
Bagger: Ma’am, we help everyone with their groceries.
Me: Fine! One date.

@GeorgiaSweet20

[Court]
Me: My tweets go through a rigorous review process
Judge: Are they reviewed by other idiots?
M: *lips on mic* irrelevant, your honor

@GeorgiaSweet20

[Service Dept]
Mechanic: Ma’am, your alignment is all out of whack. Is this an off road vehicle?
Me: Sometimes. But never intentionally.

@GeorgiaSweet20

*climbing on massage table*
Me: Okay so here’s the thing, I don’t like to be touched

@GeorgiaSweet20

A 17-year-old can win a gold medal at the Olympics, but I don’t have enough energy to go to the grocery store and the post office on the same day.

@GeorgiaSweet20

[At gym]
*steps onto treadmill*
Fitbit: Whoa, girl, you sure about this?

@GeorgiaSweet20

Me:*on phone* OMG thats hilarious! OK I gotta go, everyones staring. K bye. *hangs up* Im ready.
Priest: And do you take this man, in holy