Funny Tweeter

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Page of GetCougarized's best tweets

@GetCougarized : I'm not only the woman your Mother warned you about, I'm the one your Father highly recommended.

@GetCougarized: Customer spelling her name:

Me: Is that V as in Victor or Z as in Zebra?
Her: Z as in Xylophone.

And this, kids, is why education is key.

@GetCougarized: I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I've been using them for all this time.

@GetCougarized: Big things DO NOT always come in small packages!

I wish someone had told me the truth before I pounced on this adorable midget. Poor fella.

@GetCougarized: Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it.

If he's not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I'm going home.

@GetCougarized: The best things in life are free.

Like your neighbor's wifi, their morning paper & their liquor cabinet while they're away, for instance.

@GetCougarized: I bought a laser pointer, but I don't have a cat.

So I 'borrowed' my neighbor's toddler, but he doesn't seem to get it.
Babies are stupid.