I’m not only the woman your Mother warned you about, I’m the one your Father highly recommended.
Customer spelling her name:
Me: Is that V as in Victor or Z as in Zebra?
Her: Z as in Xylophone.
And this, kids, is why education is key.
I just realized the straps on the side of the mattress are for moving the mattress, and not for what I’ve been using them for all this time.
Big things DO NOT always come in small packages!
I wish someone had told me the truth before I pounced on this adorable midget. Poor fella.
Whenever a guy boasts he has a party in his pants, I always ask him to prove it.
If he’s not packin nachos, beer and M&Ms, I’m going home.
The best things in life are free.
Like your neighbor’s wifi, their morning paper & their liquor cabinet while they’re away, for instance.
I bought a laser pointer, but I don’t have a cat.
So I ‘borrowed’ my neighbor’s toddler, but he doesn’t seem to get it.
Babies are stupid.