I bought way too much food when the pandemic began and now my tater tots are tater tweens.
I don’t care what pasta costs because it’s worth every penne.
Birdwatcher? I’m more of a bird ogler. A pair of nesting cardinals filed a restraining order against me in ‘07.
*dents another car while parking*
*leaves note under windshield wiper*
“Material possessions are ephemeral and evanescent. Move on. I know I have.”
Me: I think I’m suffering from auditory hallucinations.
Narrator: There was no narrator.
WOW THIS ONE TASTES LIKE WINE TOO. I’M LIKE 5 FOR 5 NOW. KEEP ‘EM COMIN’!
Bartender: What’ll It be?
Stephen King: A novel at first, then a tv miniseries, then a movie.
The Wizard of Oz (1939): A Kansas runaway discovers the psychedelic powers of blunt-force head trauma.
All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats if you push people off them and sit real fast.
Freak out your neighbors by removing one member of their stick figure decal family each night.