@Gilapfeffer

Forget hobbies and and interests, dating apps should require people to share their Amazon order histories.

@Gilapfeffer

When I was little I dreamed that one day my life would be just like in the movies. Maybe I should have specified what TYPE of movies.

@Gilapfeffer

I’ve never been donkey-kicked in the face before, but I have walked past my teenage son who just applied “one spray” of cologne, so same.