Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of GinAndJif's best tweets

@GinAndJif : If someone says they’re a lover not a fighter it’s completely legal to punch them to see if it’s true.

@GinAndJif: If you’re drunk when you die, are you drunk forever...?

@GinAndJif: Him: Who are you supporting in the World Cup?

Me: Hogwarts.

@GinAndJif: If it’s dark enough in the club, you can get away with using Monopoly money for a surprising amount of time before being thrown out.

@GinAndJif: I have the ambition and optimism of Wile E Coyote and also the success of Wile E Coyote.

@GinAndJif: [ riding into battle ]


@GinAndJif: Pretend you’re in Game of Thrones by shouting “Open the gate!” as you stride purposefully towards an automatic door.

@GinAndJif: Him: I'm really into clean eating.

Me: [trying to impress] I almost never eat food I've dropped on the floor.

@GinAndJif: I vacuumed up a giant spider, so now I just have to leave the hoover running for the rest of my life so it can't get out again.

@GinAndJif: A guy just revved his engine and drove off really quick so I had to chase him for three miles to tell him I don't want to have sex with him.