@GingerGander

“Alcohol is just water with feelings in it,” said the girl who failed chemistry.

@GingerGander

Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.

@GingerGander

There is a vast difference between an underdog and a loser, the first one has a real chance to win.

@GingerGander

A new study says vegetarians
die younger than smokers, on average, so don’t smoke your vegetables…

@GingerGander

Man texted: “I want you to be my little angle.”
I answered: “Do you want me to be obtuse, right, or acute?”

Two days have passed, no reply.

@GingerGander

If Twitter was any more fun we’d have to smuggle it in from Mexico.