I’m so pumped for this water balloon fight that none of my guests know we’re having.
My dating profile just says, “High risk, high reward”.
A 13 yr old just told me I was cool for an old person. I almost slapped her then she said “you’re like 23, right? I bought her ice cream.
I’m not a jealous person but seriously, if you star her tweets one more time I’m going to squeeze the balls of this vodoo doll so hard…
I fully support any type of marriage that doesn’t involve me.