@GlennyRodge

Following Prince Phillip’s passing, Prince Charles inherits the title Duke Of Edinburgh. Basically, it all shifts up one. For instance, I’m now my next door neighbour, Pauline Cathcart.

@GlennyRodge

COMPUTER: Enter your password

ME: [types ‘posh_people’s_tea’]

COMPUTER: Your password is too weak

ME: [high fives computer]

@GlennyRodge

Just read that michelangelo painted the sistine chapel on his back. Must’ve been really difficult reaching that bit between his shoulders.

@GlennyRodge

The noise Rice Krispies make in different languages, according to Wikipedia…

@GlennyRodge

The first rule of Hide a Vegetable in a Sentence Club is always be true to yourself.

@GlennyRodge

I’ve often wondered whether baby deer are left or right handed. Turns out they’re bambidextrous.

@GlennyRodge

BREAKING NEWS: Police have said that whoever broke into the station last night and locked all their case files in a picnic basket has seriously hampered their investigations.

@GlennyRodge

Just found out I’ve failed my biology exam. Obviously I’m not happy about it but I guess I’ll have to take it on the sticky out bit just below my speak hole.

@GlennyRodge

Why do birds,
suddenly appear,
every time,
you are near?
Just like me,
you seem to be,
made of seeds.

@GlennyRodge

Just had a goat’s cheese sandwich. Well, he should have put his name on it.