Just found out I failed my anatomy exam. I’m not happy but I guess I’ll just have to take it on the sticky out bit below my speak hole.
I’ve found god.
It’s my turn to hide now.
“Forgive me, I’m a terrible flort”
“Don’t you mean flirt?”
“OMFG. WTF is that?!”
Owls don’t look for a mate when it’s raining because it’s too wet to woo.
The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our labrador is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.
Top Tip: Don’t name your kids after places, objects or things you see on the internet
Me: Sorry son, it seemed like a good idea at the time
I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village’s water. Didn’t go down well.
“Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice, cause…”
Barista: I’m writing “Mo”.
Daddy bear: my porridge is too hot.
Mummy bear: my porridge is too cold.
Baby bear: aren’t we supposed to eat fish?
COMPUTER: Enter password
ME: [types ’14days’]
COMPUTER: Your password is two week
COMPUTER: Computer do joke. Computer funny.