@GlennyRodge

Just found out I failed my anatomy exam. I’m not happy but I guess I’ll just have to take it on the sticky out bit below my speak hole.

@GlennyRodge

“Forgive me, I’m a terrible flort”

“Don’t you mean flirt?”

*starts florting*

“OMFG. WTF is that?!”

@GlennyRodge

Owls don’t look for a mate when it’s raining because it’s too wet to woo.

@GlennyRodge

The great thing about having pet insurance is that while our labrador is at the vets, they’ve given us a courtesy poodle to hang out with.

@GlennyRodge

Top Tip: Don’t name your kids after places, objects or things you see on the internet
Me: Sorry son, it seemed like a good idea at the time

@GlennyRodge

I shortened the rope on the bucket used to collect the village’s water. Didn’t go down well.

@GlennyRodge

“Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the gangster of love. Some people call me Maurice, cause…”
Barista: I’m writing “Mo”.

@GlennyRodge

Daddy bear: my porridge is too hot.
Mummy bear: my porridge is too cold.
Baby bear: aren’t we supposed to eat fish?

@GlennyRodge

COMPUTER: Enter password

ME: [types ’14days’]

COMPUTER: Your password is two week

ME: Uh?

COMPUTER: Computer do joke. Computer funny.