Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of Goofpoops's best tweets

@Goofpoops : Whoever created lasagna was totally a stoner I want noodles Okay Now sauce Cool Now cheese Got it Now noodles You said that Now cheese WTF!

@Goofpoops: Life hack :

Receive a wide assortment of yellow, orange, pink and red envelopes, free of charge, simply by not paying your bills.

@Goofpoops: If Kevin Spacey doesn't sign his name like this

Kevin E

Then he's pretty damn stupid...

@Goofpoops: "Pasta la veista, baby"

-Arnold Schwarzenoodles

@Goofpoops: I like my coffee like I like my women.

Not banging my friends.

@Goofpoops: Cop cars aren't very intimidating. Add a crazy plow covered in blood, an anarchy symbol and spinning saw blades and I'll stop in a heartbeat

@Goofpoops: In case you were wondering, Taco Bell offers free wi-fi.

Don't bother asking for the password, because it's totally "Cornhole Explosion".

@Goofpoops: Watching movies with kids:

If he/she hasn't seen it, eons and billions of questions.

If he/she has seen it, eons and billions of spoilers.

@Goofpoops: Hey!! pssst! Guys who wear camo to bars: There is a reason you're not getting laid...it's because the women can't see you..

@Goofpoops: Someone on Facebook posted "Having the BEST DAY EVER!!"
So I posted the Sarah Mclachlan animal cruelty video in the comments