Before towels were invented people rubbed themselves against the carpet.
Jesus, I didn’t mean my cheese wheel when I said you take the wheel.
I didn’t know about mascara, I thought girls just cried ink like squids.
God: You’re beautiful. Aren’t you?
Peacock: Yes. Thanks for creating me.
God: *Starts giggling*
Peacock: What’s so funny, god? Why are you laughing?
God: you’re called peacock. *Bursts into laugh*
Peacock: WHAT THE FFUU..
God: And you cant speak.
[Incoherent bird noise]
I’m starting an emu farm and calling it ‘no fly zone’ so the birds don’t feel bad.