@GrandadJFreeman

*painting your nails* one hand : perfect. other hand : looks like a blind cat did it.

@GrandadJFreeman

Me: For Christmas I want a girlfriend/boyfriend Santa: Let’s be realistic lol

@GrandadJFreeman

I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.

@GrandadJFreeman

Girls are like police. Even when they get a hold of all the evidence, they still want to hear the truth from you…

@GrandadJFreeman

In 1911: Dracula used to drink virgin girls blood … In 2012: he died of hunger.

@GrandadJFreeman

My favorite part of The Lion King is the part where Nicki Minaj held up baby Simba.