@GrillinChillin9

Look, all I know is none of this shit was going on when Mtv still played music videos.

@GrillinChillin9

Mother’s maiden name: Mom
Mother’s first name: Mom
Mother’s last name: Mom

Why do they even asks such dumb questions?

@GrillinChillin9

Don’t blame me for the world’s problems, I was practically raised by the Muppets as a kid.

@GrillinChillin9

I hope that if I ever have to call 9-1-1 for an emergency an essential oil person is not the operator.

Help, I’m hurt.

Try Lavender.

@GrillinChillin9

It’s complicated.

-My response when someone asks if they can have one of my beers.

@GrillinChillin9

Kids today will never know the struggle of flipping a cassette tape in a Walk-Man will riding on a bicycle at the same time.

@GrillinChillin9

If at first you don’t succeed then try, try again.

Unless you’re skydiving then good luck with that.

@GrillinChillin9

Never apologize in your voicemail for not answering the phone. You’re not sorry. Own that shit. “Hey, I don’t like you. Leave a message.”

@GrillinChillin9

Wife: Can I have one of your french fries?

Me: No, I don’t have that many.

My dog: Can I have one?

Me: OMG yes. Here, take them all.