Me, wide awake after staying up all night:
*Way too chipper*
*Annoying my friends and family*
My neighbor: Good Morning!
Me: How dare you speak to me so early in the morning? Have you no respect?
*Me, in class trying to covertly look at why my phone is blowing up*
My breaking news app: There are aliens on Venus
My friends: Dude. Aliens. Venus
Twitter: I’m gonna have sex w/ Venus Aliens
*Looking after class*
News: There may be a sign of life on Venus but probably not
A few years back a guy in law school asked me how much for a foot massage and being the idiot I am, thought he was asking how much I paid for reflexology so I said “I pay $50 plus a tip but my guy is booked for the next 3 months” and he didn’t talk to me again until 2L year
My dog and I have the same schedule:
6 AM: Wake up
7 AM: Eat breakfast
8 AM: Use the bathroom on our neighbor’s lawn
9 AM: Play
10 AM: Nap
Me: I hate being quarantine alone. I wish I lived with someone.
Mom: take your father, he’s driving me insane
Me: I’m good
Show me where it says it’s illegal for me to screaming “I’m an Aardvark” while running in the middle of the road. That’s what I thought
Me: The worst thing about quarantine is that I’m running low on hot sauce.
BFF: Why you lying?
Me: Hmm, food is a splurge. Can’t afford it this week.
*sees a talking Batman cup*
Me: I absolutely need this right now or I’ll die
Me: Pikachu, I choose you!
Pikachu: The restraining order says 500 feet
BFF: You better be dying calling me at 2 AM.
Me: This is important! If Kim Possible marries Ron Stoppable and take his last name does that change her ability to do anything?
BFF: I hate you.