@GuyConfused

The best revenge is to kidnap your enemy, tie him up, then pop bubble wrap in front of him and make him watch.

@GuyConfused

Love my pillow so much because it doesn’t leave my house in the morning after spending the night with me.

@GuyConfused

No, I’m not damaging my liver. I’m about to sterilize it using alcohol.

@GuyConfused

I don’t mind meeting her parents. It’s her husband I have always been avoiding.