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Page of GuyEndoreKaiser's best tweets

@GuyEndoreKaiser : We should just put the White House on airbnb for 3 million a weekend.

@GuyEndoreKaiser: Oh you're sick? Let me weirdly list every other person I know who's sick.

@GuyEndoreKaiser: After he loses, everyone who supported Trump should have to spend a year on an island where he gets to make all the decisions.

@GuyEndoreKaiser: Thirty years ago, Marco Rubio was bitten by a radioactive doormat.

@GuyEndoreKaiser: If you're feeling down, park in a handicap space and soon a bunch of strangers will tell you that there's nothing wrong with you!

@GuyEndoreKaiser: People are obsessed with this storm but in ten years no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.

@GuyEndoreKaiser: Sony has a site where you can watch The Interview for $5.99 and I can't think of a single reason not to trust them with my credit card info.

@GuyEndoreKaiser: Do you have any motivational books?

Yeah, they're in the back.

(long pause) Do you have any that are closer?

@GuyEndoreKaiser: Yes, curling is silly and basically janitorial work, but that guy's gonna have a gold medal, and all you'll have is your joke about curling.