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@GuyThe_Guy : I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.
@GuyThe_Guy: I pooped in 8 stores today.
2 of them had restrooms.
@GuyThe_Guy: My wife puts her pants on just like everyone else, but when she gets one leg in I push her over while she's off balance.
@GuyThe_Guy: I didn't want to make a scene but not fluffing my wife's pillows should get the point across that I don't appreciate the way she spoke to me
@GuyThe_Guy: You can learn a lot about a guy when you go through the pockets of his pants that are at his ankles in the bathroom stall next to your's.
@GuyThe_Guy: They say if you choose a job you love, you'll never work a day in your life.
I have to work tomorrow.
@GuyThe_Guy: This LSD may be taking a turn, but I think this pony rabbit is a piece of shit insurance salesman.
@GuyThe_Guy: Revenge is a dish best served with revengetables.
@GuyThe_Guy: "Is there a Mr. Fields?" I say to my twelfth cookie, all the while knowing she's all mine.
@GuyThe_Guy: Tonight we're gonna party like its 1999.
No seriously, Greg's been in a coma for 14 years. We'll tell him that shit tomorrow night though.