Funny Tweeter

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Page of HMittelmark's best tweets

@HMittelmark : The partisan media is ONCE AGAIN twisting my words, so let me make this perfectly clear: I am NOT a little teapot. The video clips being circulating showing me stamping my feet and repeatedly insisting that I AM a little teapot have been taken out of context.

@HMittelmark: Have my doubts about this "smart water," considering how easily it's captured and bottled.

@HMittelmark: There is nothing like the sound of a child's laughter to remind you that your apartment is haunted.

@HMittelmark: If somebody at a party tells you they're a writer, get excited, hold up the nearest book, and ask, wide-eyed, "DID YOU WRITE THIS?"

@HMittelmark: Men want to be him. Women want to be with him. Bears want to eat him. Botflies want to lay their eggs in his skin. Fish are unaware of him.