@Hammyinmiami

Me: “Pull the plug, Doc. Just pull the plug on him. He only wanted a good quality of life.”

Doctor: “Ma’am your husband has a sprain.”

@Hammyinmiami

How do you stay married and share a bathroom? More importantly how do I avoid going to jail?

@Hammyinmiami

I’m so lucky my husband invested $100,000 in a mask company right before the pandemic. I mean it was a Halloween mask company but still…

@Hammyinmiami

Whose got two big strong hands? Asking for a friend on National No Bra day?

@Hammyinmiami

My husband is so not into sex, he thinks foreplay is a golf term.

@Hammyinmiami

My husband is so not into sex. When I wear fishnet stockings he thinks I want to go fishing.